


the other side

by sultana



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Sex, Angst, Bad Decisions, Break Up, Cheating, Drinking, Hopeful Ending, Infidelity, M/M, Making Up, Oral Sex, POV Oikawa Tooru, Post-Break Up, Post-Canon, Self-Destruction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:48:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27607871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sultana/pseuds/sultana
Summary: Oikawa makes a poor decision while drunk and angry, and it blows their relationship apart. It blows theirtrustapart.(Or, what happens when you're in a hole and you just keep digging.)
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 1
Kudos: 46





	the other side

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a while ago and finally fixed it up. Please read the tags! There are very few good decisions made in this story and Oikawa is a jerk. The explicit content is exclusively Oikawa/Iwaizumi but there are OC partners mentioned. 
> 
> Canon divergence AU because I started this before the end of the series.

It was all Iwa-chan's fault, he had no blame in what happened. If Iwa-chan had come out, instead of blaming his work and staying in. If Iwa-chan was intelligent enough not to take days with his assignments, then they wouldn't have argued over it and he wouldn't have left angry. He wouldn't have gone to his acquaintance's drinking party mad. 

Oikawa wouldn't have let the stranger, some friend of a friend, make eyes at him all night. Wouldn't have let the stranger slide up after a few drinks, flirted with him to prove to himself that he didn't care about his boyfriend refusing to come out with him. Wouldn't have been flattered by the misguided attention.

Definitely wouldn't have let the stranger fuck him, after everyone else has passed out or gone home, sober enough to realise what he was doing, drunk enough to think it was a good idea.

The stranger played baseball at high school. Baseball! Unbelievable. He'd slept with someone who preferred baseball. 

He stared at his phone in the dawn light, the stranger asleep in the other futon. He expected an apology any time now. It stayed as silent as it was last night. Iwa-chan finished his assignment, went to bed, was peacefully asleep. The sleep of someone with complete trust in Oikawa. If he told him he'd slept on the floor alone, Iwa-chan wouldn't question it for a second. The absolute trust that Iwa-chan had in him, even when he thought Oikawa was full of shit. Trust that he smashed in one night. Oikawa held his phone tightly. 

He could get away with this, probably would get away with this. Faking was second nature to him, easy. Iwa-chan would never doubt him, not on this, and nobody at the party knew Iwa-chan. He fucked someone else, after he thought he never would and never could. He fucked someone he didn't even like the morning after and he'd get away with it. Until then he'd never lied to Iwa-chan like that. Now he would always be lying. 

"Iwa-chan, you idiot."

* * *

"Oi, Shittykawa. Why are you being so weird?" Iwa-chan didn't look at him as he sat at the table and watched him cook with guilt. Instead he prodded the vegetables in the pan. They had practised serves together, eating dinner together afterwards. His serves were off. No, Iwa-chan was being an idiot and wasn't in the right place to receive them. His serves were fine.

"Huh? I'm not being weird. Iwa-chan's being weird, asking questions like that." 

"Don't give me that crap. What's wrong?" 

"Nothing's wrong." Iwa-chan sighed, turned the heat off to sit down next to him at the table. Looked at him with slightly exasperated, honest eyes he couldn't meet.

"Seriously? Are you still mad at me for not coming out with you? I had to work, idiot. Do you think I'd rather do that than see you?" Being so direct still made Iwa-chan blush, he didn't want to expose himself to his teasing, was being honest anyway. Before, he would have jumped on it, teased him mercilessly while being thrilled with such a direct confession. It did not thrill him now, just worsened the guilt instead. Of course Iwa-chan hadn't wanted to stay home, so obvious in retrospect. He was acting responsibly, and Oikawa had responded by fucking a stranger. "Hey, did something happen? Even for you, this is weird. Are you in trouble?"

The care, the trust in his voice. Oikawa cringed. Iwa-chan stared at him in shock, before reaching to touch his hair, to comfort him. Unnerved by that reaction so deeply unlike him, so uncharacteristic, so wrong, but trying to calm him anyway. It didn't help the guilt, doubled it. 

"You can tell me. Did something happen at that party? You've been acting strange since then." Oikawa looked up, met his eyes – honest, caring, concerned – guiltily, looked away, silent like he'd never been silent before. The truth stuck in his throat like a fish bone and as likely to choke him. "So it was the party. Did you get into a fight or something?" Iwa-chan was so close to finding out as he questioned him, but he couldn't fake it like he'd thought he could. He'd overestimated his acting skills and his ability to fool his boyfriend, underestimated how easily Iwa-chan could read him. If he looked now, he'd know. It was on his face, he felt Iwa-chan looking, then the sudden inhale as he realised, and Oikawa looked away, an admission of guilt.

"You didn't. You can't have." Oikawa stayed silent, let Iwa-chan grab his face and force him to look into his eyes to confirm that he was right. The betrayal in Iwa-chan's eyes was the worst thing he'd ever been responsible for. "You _did_. Who?" Iwa-chan's voice, hands shook, tried to stay calm even as the anger leaked out. Oikawa had made Iwa-chan angry so, so many times, but not like this. Not this kind of barely suppressed rage. 

He hated it, wanted things to go back to five minutes earlier, back when Iwa-chan didn't hate him, still loved him. Back to a week ago, back to the day when Iwa-chan confessed, unable to hold it in until graduation day like he'd planned to. Back when he'd responded with 'of course you love me, why wouldn't you?', trying but failing to hide how much he loved him too. Too late to go back now.

"Some baseball player. I didn't even like him." The truth dislodged itself from his throat as Iwa-chan dropped his hands from his face and turned away from him. He recognised the line of his back, defeated, the same way it looked when Shiratorizawa beat them. But this time it wasn't Ushijima's fault. It was his.

"Get out."

"Iwa-chan-"

"Get out!" Oikawa didn't argue, left the apartment before Iwa-chan picked him up and threw him out. There was nothing to argue. Whatever happened next, he'd already destroyed what was most important, that absolute trust between them. He should have known better. It was never worth it when he lost his temper. The spite hadn't been worth their relationship. 

Stupid Iwa-chan, being reasonable, stopping him from making bad decisions. Stupid him, for rushing out and making the worst possible decision he could at the first chance he got. Stupid, stupid, stupid, the mantra in time with the bang of his bag as he walked home. Stupid, and alone.

* * *

Oikawa vanished into the city. He thought it would be hard to avoid Iwa-chan, until he finally forgave him, maybe, but he hadn't seen him again, not even a glimpse in a university corridor. There was no call, no late night text. This time Iwa-chan did not forgive him. 

He'd smashed the one thing that bound them more tightly together than love. Trust. Oikawa hated it. Hated Iwa-chan for holding it against him, for holding out against him. Hated himself most of all for doing it. 

It was easy in Tokyo. He did his assignments, went to his new volleyball club, far from the one they'd shared, went to drinking parties. He got drunk at them, tormented strangers by flirting with them, made them think they had a chance with him, might be able to fuck him, before he shot them down at their most vulnerable. He thought it might make him feel better. It didn't. One girl had cried in front of everyone, like he'd broken her and yet his friends had blamed her for getting her hopes up, not him. 

It never would have flown with Iwa-chan. He would hear Iwa-chan's voice in his head afterwards, walking home alone, sobering up. The way Iwa-chan would have berated him for being a shit to others. None of his new friends cared, they didn't see beyond the mask, probably wouldn't care even if they did. Stupid. As if he needed to be nagged, as if he missed Iwa-chan getting mad at him, holding him to his standards. He convinced himself he was fine, that Iwa-chan was being unreasonable, that he didn't miss him at all.

It was easy. 

It was hollow.

By the time it came to the New Year, Oikawa was spent. He should have returned home in triumph, the successful son returning from university. Instead Oikawa slunk home. It would be impossible to avoid Iwa-chan in their home town but he was too worn out from the endless assignments, the loneliness, the guilt and self-hatred that was growing, getting too big to ignore. Even drinking did little for it now. He wanted to be home, with his family who loved him. Even if he'd have to keep lying, this time playing the role of the successful son.

He fooled them as successfully as he'd fooled Iwa-chan. His mother did nothing but fuss and worry over him. His sister was disturbed by the changes in him since she'd last seen him, months before. They both offered the same suggestion: why not go see Iwa-chan? 

Oikawa brushed it off, didn't lie. Any lie would be found out as soon as their mothers talked. He stayed silent, let his family draw their own conclusions about their split instead. A different kind of lying.

"Was it a girl?" His mother had gently probed, one afternoon after lunch. Oikawa smiled. It hurt his face. He maintained his silence. He thanked her for the meal and went up to his room to stare at the ceiling for an hour. He remembered Iwa-chan, lying there next to him on his bed before, after a previous argument, some fight that hadn't ruin everything. Before Iwa-chan confessed, so he was probably lying there trying to work up the urge to do it, even when he was mad at him. So uncool.

So unbelievable to think he wouldn't forgive him this time.

His sister took direct action on New Year's Day and dragged him away from the TV to the temple. It was crowded, filled with girls in kimonos, friends and family together. Oikawa avoided them, swerved every girl that approached him, his heart pounded at the sign of any back of head that could, possibly, belong to Iwa-chan. None of them were.

They went to the shrine. The ritual was automatic, even with his clammy hands, his fear of being caught by Iwa-chan. Oikawa closed his eyes to pray, and felt defeated. What could he pray for? No god could intercede on his behalf, not with Iwa-chan. They would be defeated by his will. Everything else was so fragile, so fake, it would be blown down in a strong wind, hardly worth bothering the gods for. He hated it. 

'I want to be happy.'

Pathetic. It was the only thing he wanted. Like he'd been at high school, his only problems entrance exams and volleyball. Like he'd been when Iwa-chan loved him. He squeezed his eyes tighter, didn't step back when it was time to. No, it wasn't just that. He missed Iwa-chan, still loved him, but there was something worse than that.

Oikawa had hurt him, hurt him deeply. He hadn't apologised. He hadn't tried at all, not even a brief text. He'd just hoped that some day Iwa-chan would forgive him and it'd be all okay again.

It wouldn't. Iwa-chan hadn't come to see him, though he surely knew he was home too. Oikawa couldn't go to him, not after all this time. It was time to let go.

'Please make Iwa-chan happy.'

He stepped back, opened his eyes. His sister looked at him seriously.

"Ready?" He faked a smile. It hurt a little less than before. 

"Ready." They went to draw their fortunes. His was neutral. Not good, not bad. Just there. He looked up from the slip with a sigh, passed it to his sister to read, glanced across the crowd.

There he was. In the distance, too far away to see Oikawa, was Iwa-chan. Surrounded by the friends he didn't dare call even if he had wanted to. Iwa-chan looked the same. No shadows around his eyes, a grin on his face as he joked with them. He looked happy. He didn't miss him at all. 

His prayer was already answered. It felt like hell to see Iwa-chan happy, happier without him, even if it was what he wanted for him. Oikawa gave him one last look, filled with guilt, longing, sadness and fear before he turned away.

* * *

His selfish wish came true too. Fortune fell onto his doormat, a letter Oikawa stepped over on his return to Tokyo. He opened it casually, expected it to be boring.

It was not. A letter from a scouting agent, wanting to meet with him. He'd seen him play for Aoba Johsai, remembered him when he was looking for a new setter. Was he still playing? He'd heard Oikawa had switched clubs, hoped that Oikawa would call him to invite him to his next match. 

Oikawa's hands shook as he finished the letter. The validation he always wanted, an opportunity to show Ushijima he could beat him, be better than him. The old fire lit up inside him. He looked at his apartment, the books stacked waiting for him, old assignments, old fears he'd left here, lurking in wait for him in the corner. 

Oikawa looked at them with contempt. Their strength was gone. The only shadow that remained was the fact he couldn't share this with Iwa-chan. He had to dismiss it. It was done. That was the past now. 

He called. The agent came to his game. He conquered. He demolished their opponents like he hadn't since high school. His teammates were stunned. The agent was impressed. Within an hour of the game concluding, he had a contract in his hands. 

"It's a big move. Think it over, talk to your family, let me know. You have a girlfriend?" Oikawa shook his head, the stab of pain from the question less than it would have been before. "Good. In my experience, girlfriends hate moving." Oikawa smiled. 

"I think that stuff is worthless." The ruthlessness made the agent pause. Oikawa enjoyed that, revenge for the probing into his personal life. "I'll let you know soon." 

Of course Oikawa said yes. His family was horrified. His friends thought he was crazy. The only person who would have understood was no longer in his life. No matter. He wanted something different now from what brought him to Tokyo. Italy? Why not. 

Snow fell as he prepared to leave, to quit his studies, to take a chance on playing in Italy. It crunched under his feet as he went to the Embassy, organised his visa, organised the things he'd take with him, the things he'd leave behind. Italy. Why not? He paused, looked up at the snowflakes floating down. He remembered last winter, looking up at the falling snow like this on the way back from school. Same scarf wrapped around his neck, same unique multitudes of flakes. But no Iwa-chan pausing with him to look up too, snowflakes falling to rest on his face, on his eyelashes, before taking his hand, the heat of it searing against his cold hands, and pulling him along. 

Italy. Yes. Why not.

* * *

Unable to sleep, haunted by the past and the future. The present hung on. Oikawa got up, saw it was only a few hours before his alarm. Only a few more hours until the flight that'd take him away from Japan. The uncertainty of the future, a new country, a new culture, a new language. A new life. 

And still, despite all that, Iwa-chan lurked in the back of his mind. Despite the proof of Iwa-chan's happiness without him, how he dared to continue to live his life, how he was perfectly fine without him. Oikawa avoided the suggestions from his family to go see Iwa-chan, to make peace with him before he left. It was pointless. It was too late. 

But. He sat down at the desk, picked up the hotel stationery. He resented wanting to do it, needing to do it. Oikawa accepted that Iwa-chan had moved on, but begrudged apologising now that he was facing the blank paper in front of him. 

It took hours to write. Oikawa nearly missed his taxi to the airport from the hotel. It was messy, it took so long to get the right words down. The drafts piled up in the bin, the final version finished in the taxi, the paper resting on the back of his carry-on bag. His handwriting sucked, but Oikawa knew he'd be able to read it. He folded it into the envelope, the hotel's logo neat on its back, and sealed it. Without thinking he kissed the envelope, just as the taxi pulled up at the airport drop off. He wondered if it'd make Iwa-chan cry, receiving this late apology. He ignored the tears that stung in his own eyes. He hoped it did. Stupid Iwa-chan.

* * *

(It did. Iwaizumi read it in a mixture of disbelief and rage, at how late it was, at how sincere it was, so long after the offence. That it finally arrived when he thought he was over it, when he thought he was healing. The tears came at the end, at the words _I'm leaving for Italy today_ and realising the letter was two days old. Rage and grief mixed into one. That _idiot_. He was still furious at him, furious he'd left Japan, possibly forever, without telling him. Furious that Oikawa still managed to get the last word in, to the extent of fleeing the country with no means to contact him to make sure he didn't get his reply.) 

(Furious at himself for still caring.)

* * *

The room was stuffy, filled with heat and smoke. Oikawa, sitting on tatami like he hadn't in years, would have felt nostalgic if he had fond memories of drinking parties like these. He didn't. There was enough distance now from that miserable winter in Tokyo all those years ago for it not to hurt. But not so much to think fondly of it. Oikawa doubted he ever would. His life would have to completely derail to think of it as a high point. 

Oikawa looked at his drink and drained it. He thought of the baseball player, sliding up to him with admiration, cheap flattery. Stupid of him. He saw a flash of Iwa-chan's eyes in his memories, the betrayal in them and changed track. Oikawa was drunk enough to have regrets, but he wasn't at a party that he wasn't supposed to be attending for that. 

He thought of the Adriatic Sea instead. The blueness of the sky, the pale sands of the beach. How warm the sea was when he jumped in. The thought didn't make the room any cooler. 

The door to the balcony was unlocked. He stood up, the blood going to his head, he was drunker than he'd thought. Too long since he'd got drunk like this, since he realised it wasn't worth the damage it did to his training as a professional. Oikawa adjusted, ignored the calls of his name, and went out onto the balcony. 

A man on it, leaning against the railing, face obscured by the sudden change in light, the darkness around them, looking out across the street. His steps wobbled, he crashed into the side of the door frame. 

"Ow."

"Oi, are you okay-" Their eyes met, and they both froze. 

Iwa-chan looked older, wiser, tired. He looked just like Oikawa remembered him. It was the first time they'd faced each other since Iwa-chan threw him out. Oikawa remembered his face, forgot how his physical presence could make him feel. Despite the shock, the uncertainty of what was coming next, seeing Iwa-chan send a flicker of lust through him, that fanned itself into a fire the longer he looked at Iwa-chan, the hint of his smell that had hardly changed. It was like a fever coming over him.

Oikawa wanted him. He knew what Iwa-chan looked like naked, wanted to see him naked again, wanted to touch him, wanted to make him come like he used to. It hit him with a force he couldn't resist. It was a hunger, long dormant, that reared its head within seconds of being close to him again.

"Iwa-chan..." Iwa-chan drew back with wide eyes as if he'd slapped him. They both knew that tone, what it meant. Their years apart hadn't changed that understanding. Iwa-chan's expression then narrowed, closed off. Anger instead. 

"No. I'm not doing this. I'm not going to act like nothing happened." The words were sharp, but the alcohol, the lust, cut off their impact. Iwa-chan could call him whatever he wanted and Oikawa would get what he wanted. He stepped forward. He expected Iwa-chan to step back. He didn't. He stepped forward too, close enough on the tiny balcony to nearly be touching Oikawa. "I can't do this."

"I'm not asking you to marry me. I'm asking you to fuck me." No flirting, no coyness. A directness he might regret again, tomorrow. Iwa-chan recoiled. 

"Is that what you said last time too?" If Oikawa wasn't drunk, it might have made him flinch, reconsider. Not tonight. Drunken confidence won out.

"No, he did all the talking. Flattered me with all his attention, while you were giving yours to your work instead." He stepped closer, stopped just before brushing up against Iwa-chan's chest. Met his eyes, dead on, with drunken boldness. Wanted to torment Iwa-chan, wanted him to give in, wanted all of him.

"You said you were sorry. This doesn't feel sorry." Iwa-chan didn't move away though. 

"I was. I am." It was easier like this, the heat passing through him, the drink making him honest. "I regretted it as soon as I did it." Iwa-chan was wavering. Despite the time, the distance between them, he could still see his feelings clearly. "I'm sorry." Even easier to get the words out now when he might get what he wanted from them.

"Why are you doing this? Is it just spite again?" A fair question, but the wrong question. Why wouldn't he do it? Oikawa pressed that little bit closer, could feel Iwa-chan's chest against his own. Could feel his heart beating.

"You want to know? Okay." Oikawa leaned in close, brushed up against his ear. "Nobody else fucks me like you. Nobody else's body was like yours, Iwa-chan. I want you." It was true. There had been others since, nothing had lasted, nothing was like what they'd had, in and out of the bedroom. He didn't expect it back. Oikawa just wanted one more night. "I'm not asking you to trust me, or to take me back. I just want tonight." 

Iwa-chan, who'd resisted him for so long, hadn't contacted him since he'd thrown him out of his apartment, gave in. He took Oikawa's face into his hands and kissed him. It was fierce, carrying years of anger that made his mouth hurt. Oikawa moaned, wanted it, proof that Iwa-chan still cared. He grabbed onto him, pulled him in tight, ground up against him. Iwa-chan pulled back, looked at him in stunned amazement. Like he couldn't believe he was doing this.

Oikawa put on his best shit-eating grin. 

"Are you taking me home, Iwa-chan?"

* * *

Iwa-chan didn't take him home. 

Some excuses that he couldn't make out led them to his hotel room instead. Dangerous, if anyone else in the national team caught him. He didn't care.

As soon as the door shut, he had Iwa-chan up against the wall. His mouth hot against his, tasting of beer, of bad decisions. His cock growing hard against him, pulling up his shirt to touch his chest again. Oikawa's mouth slid down from his mouth, tasting every inch down from his mouth, to his throat, until he reached his nipples. Iwa-chan shuddered, squirmed when he flicked his tongue over his nipple, sucked on it. 

He remembered the past, a lazy afternoon when they were supposed to be doing homework together. How Iwa-chan refused to be distracted by him, until he pulled his back up against his chest, into his lap, and started groping his chest. How Iwa-chan had protested, even cursed him, as he rolled up his shirt, but didn't get out of his grip, even though he was much stronger than him. How Iwa-chan started to get hard as he played with his nipples, how hard he'd got from Iwa-chan squirming in his lap. He ended up coming in his pants, from Iwa-chan's ass grinding into his cock, as he jerked him off with one hand, other hand still playing with his delightfully sensitive nipple.

Iwa-chan was panting like that again. He was a little broader, maybe a little taller too, but the same sensitive chest. He pulled his mouth back, looked at Iwa-chan now. Flushed, a little angry. 

"Remember when I jerked you off in my lap after you got hard when I played with your nipples?" The deepening flush said he did. 

"Oi, don't go on about stuff like that." Oikawa let his mouth drift down Iwa-chan's chest, following the trail that lead to his bulge as he dropped down onto his knees. Oikawa rubbed his nose against it, grinned at the groan it drew. 

"You're hard."

"Are you going to do something or just keep talking, Shittykawa?" That old name, that old challenge. It lit his eyes up. Oikawa took it, pulled down his zip, worked his cock out of his underwear. Hard, proud, just like he remembered it. He gave it a testing stroke, liked the response from Iwa-chan enough to take his cock into his mouth. He sucked it, teasing his tongue along the underside of it as Iwa-chan's hands dug into his hair. He took it deeper, his own cock straining against their confines while he sucked Iwa-chan off. He bobbed his head, sucking hard until Iwa-chan's fingernails dug into his scalp. It hurt, Oikawa liked that too. He kept sucking until Iwa-chan pulled his head back off him.

"No good?" Teasing tone, deep with lust. Iwa-chan growled.

"You wanted me to fuck you. I'm going to fuck you." Enough to make Oikawa grin, pull himself back up from his knees. Drunk off the alcohol, from touching Iwa-chan, from sucking his dick again. 

"Go on, fuck me." Another challenge as Iwa-chan pulled him over to the bed, stripped him with a speed that made him feel even more naked than just his clothes coming off. A hunger for him he hadn't experienced in so long. He pulled off Iwa-chan's clothes, the logistics of it funny, made him laugh and Iwa-chan paused, hands holding onto his hips. 

"What's funny?"

"You. Taking my clothes off." 

"You're drunk." It was clear in Iwa-chan's eyes he was drunk too, but Oikawa didn't mention it. Might give him second thoughts, decide to be sensible and not fuck his cheating ex. Not happening if Oikawa could help it. He stepped back towards the bed, pulled Iwa-chan on top of him. The weight of Iwa-chan pressing him down. The smell of booze, sweat, his shampoo. Oikawa drew in his physical presence again. 

His thighs pulled Iwa-chan in closer, he curled back to grab the lotion by his bedside. Helping him get split by Iwa-chan instead of stopping his hands splitting from the cold. Oikawa handed it to him with a teasing sense of occasion. Iwa-chan grabbed it, pushed him back down onto the bed. 

Oikawa wriggled under him, pressed up against him, cocks sliding against each other. Begged for it in all but words, still too proud for that. It was understood. Iwa-chan didn't mess around, lubed his cock up, pressed a cold squirt of lotion to his rim before pressing the head of his cock against it. 

"Iwa-chan..." It wasn't someone else he thought of, Oikawa knew exactly who was about to fuck him. Years of longing into two words. Thought it was a long ago regret, didn't need Iwa-chan anymore, couldn't get him back into his life in any form anyway. Oikawa's eyes looked up to meet Iwa-chan's. Something passed between them. A moment. A realisation. An understanding.

Iwa-chan might regret this tomorrow, but Oikawa knew he wouldn't. 

The tip pressed in, pushed inside him. A little painful as Iwa-chan entered him, his hands dug into his shoulders, holding onto him like he'd run otherwise. He probably should. Oikawa didn't want to, moaned as his cock sunk deeper into him. The edge of pain made him feel real as Iwa-chan pushed all the way inside him. A groan, wriggling on Iwa-chan's cock again, filled up. Iwa-chan kissed him, just once, and started to fuck him.

His fingernails dug into Iwa-chan's shoulders. Too tight, too unprepared, too good. The weight of Iwa-chan on top of him, pinning him down to the mattress as he fucked him. As he'd imagined it when he saw Iwa-chan on the balcony. Pulling Iwa-chan in tighter with his thighs, his cock twitching, rubbing between their stomachs as he fucked him. 

It couldn't last. Iwa-chan still knew his body intimately, pounded at the angle that'd push him over. A few more thrusts, another hit to his prostate and Oikawa came without hesitation, starry eyed, silent, with all he could. All over Iwa-chan's chest. Iwa-chan groaned, fucked him through his orgasm. It was too much, it was so good. His fingernails drew blood as Iwa-chan came inside him with 'Toru' on his lips. 

The smug, knowing smile came out. Oikawa hid it against Iwa-chan's shoulder. Kissed the skin as he relaxed his fingers, let go. Toru. Rare, very rare for Iwa-chan to call him by his first name. Wondered what it could mean. Iwa-chan's hand tilted his head back to look at him, so he could lean and kiss him. Still a romantic, after all that. Oikawa didn't deserve it, took it anyway. 

Later, after the after-glow, after a mutual decision to not talk, just to be together, after Oikawa returned from the bathroom, he found Iwa-chan asleep. His phone in his hands, slipping out of them. Oikawa grabbed it before it bounced onto the floor. The screen was still on. Oikawa paused, considered it as he tapped the screen to keep it awake. He saw the message, read it without any guilt. Iwa-chan should make his screen turn off sooner if he didn't want his messages read.

 _Okay, see you tomorrow._ A girl's name at the top. He scrolled back up the conversation, saw the apologises for staying out that night, the day to day relationship talk, the requests to get shopping, the pet names. Iwa-chan's girlfriend. Oikawa felt it boil up inside him, smothered it with his hand when it tried to escape. 

Laughter. 

Iwa-chan was the same as him after all. The difference was he'd cheated out of spite, to make a stupid point that he regretted as soon as he'd made it. Why did Iwa-chan cheat on his girlfriend with him? Spite? No. The irony would be too strong. Oikawa locked the phone, saw the lock screen. Iwa-chan and his girlfriend, staring back at him, posing together in front of a sign for a popular restaurant. He tried not to laugh. She looked nice, a respectable kind of girl. Did they want to marry? 

Was that it? Did he feel trapped? Oikawa put the phone down by Iwa-chan's side of the bed. 

"Oh, Iwa-chan. You idiot." Despite his amusement, he was glad. Glad that Iwa-chan had slept with him, had lost the moral high ground. Had lost it for him and him alone. Oikawa kissed his cheek, rejoined him in their bed.

* * *

The moment Iwa-chan woke up and said "shit", Oikawa knew it would be different from last night. He bolted out of bed in a panic. Oikawa watched with amusement as he looked for his clothes. As eager to get back into them as he was to get out of them last night. 

"What's the rush, Iwa-chan?" 

"Don't call me that." Sharp, cutting. A pushback, too late after letting him use it all night. 

"Hajime, then." The frown deepened. 

"No! Just Iwaizumi." Oikawa sighed, watched Iwa-chan trying to put both his legs into one leg of his trousers. 

"Ah. Is this about your girlfriend?" Iwa-chan froze, looked up at him in shock. 

"How did you-"

"She's on your lock screen. I checked the time on it, and there she was!" No need to share his knowledge of his messages. Iwa-chan dropped his trousers, climbed back onto the bed to grab Oikawa by the shoulders. A fierce expression on Iwa-chan's face, but it didn't scare him. Not now.

"What are you planning?" Oikawa smiled brightly. 

"Me? I'm not planning _anything_. I'm just amused you don't have the moral high ground any more, Iwa-chan. You're as bad as I am." 

"I am not!"

"Really?" Silence. Iwa-chan looked away, ashamed. Not even a pushback on using that name. "All I can tell you is it's really difficult to lie to someone who knows you well and you love. Even I couldn't manage it. Can you?"

"I'm not going to lie." A surprise. Oikawa tilted his head, but Iwa-chan was serious. "I'll have to tell her." 

"So she can dump you by cutting you off? She won't forgive you." Iwa-chan paused, then shook his head. Suddenly the power lurched, away from Oikawa, back to him. 

"Crappykawa, if you'd apologised, I might have forgiven you. I was angry, I kicked you out to think, and you vanished off the face of the earth. If you'd told me then all the shit you wrote in that letter, I might have considered it. Instead you only apologised before fleeing the country when I was starting to get over you." 

Again. He'd been so stupid, once again. Oikawa cursed that winter. It didn't need to happen, he might have been forgiven. He'd waited too long, ensured their relationship's complete destruction out of selfish pride. Met Iwa-chan's eyes and saw something he hated in it. Pity. He snapped back. 

"You're the one who's just cheated on their girlfriend, why are you lecturing me?" Iwa-chan sighed. His hands let go of his shoulders. 

"Forget it. Your pride always got in the way. I hope your time in Japan is a success." Iwa-chan turned his back on him, got up and got dressed. Oikawa watched him. This was it. This time he knew it'd be the last time. He'd be back in Italy again after the international matches. This was his one chance, there wasn't going to be a second one. He couldn't wait for Iwa-chan to come back to him. 

Oikawa got up. Iwa-chan still had his back to him. He embraced it, pulled him in close again. Felt that body he loved against him. The person he loved. Still did, after all this time. Stupid him. Iwa-chan stiffened, relaxed. Stopped dressing, stopped preparing to leave him. 

"Come to Italy with me." Impulsive, didn't think about it at all. Knew it was rash, asked anyway. 

"What? No!" 

"Iwa-chan!" 

"No! I'm not moving to Italy for you!" It was unreasonable for Iwa-chan to not even consider it. Italy was good, the food was excellent, the beaches superb, the cities (mostly) beautiful, the people fashionable. Even the language wasn't as difficult as he'd expected. Iwa-chan would like it. 

"Fine. Come visit me then." No immediate refusal. Oikawa waited. Rested his head against Iwa-chan's back as he did. The refusal was quiet, drawn out. Iwa-chan convincing himself. 

"I can't just come visit you." 

"Why not?" 

"I can't." Soft, quiet. So unlike normal Iwa-chan. 

"I think you can. I think you want to. I want you to." 

"Why?" Oikawa laughed. It was obvious. 

"I think, Iwa-chan, we're made for each other. You can't quit me. Or do you just want to wait for when I next come back so you can cheat on your next girlfriend with me too?"

"I'm not going to-" Iwa-chan turned around, angry. Oikawa grabbed him and pulled him into another kiss to shut him up. Iwa-chan resisted, for a moment, then kissed him back. Pulled back with a flush, a look of annoyance. "How can I trust you?"

"How can I trust _you_?" Triumph. Iwa-chan could no longer checkmate him with his cheating. They were equals, once again. Iwa-chan shut his eyes, took a deep breath through his nose. 

"I need time to think." 

Nothing more. 

* * *

The LINE message startled him awake. Iwa-chan. Every morning, a message from Iwa-chan would greet him when he woke up. Not romantic, just proof that Iwa-chan had forgiven him, sort of. Nothing about coming to Italy, nothing about his girlfriend or love life. Just every day things and volleyball. 

He picked it up.

 _I'm in Vienna. My flight arrives at 10:15 in Venice._ Oikawa paused. Reread the message, looked at the time. Already 9:00. Getting from Padua to Tessera for 10:15. His brain kicked into gear, and he flew out of bed to get ready, scattering clothes everywhere. Such a panic that he didn't have time to think about what next, why Iwa-chan decided to surprise him like this. 

It hit him as he shut his door, ready to go. It was off-season. Iwa-chan chose his timing carefully, didn't want to disrupt his season. Oikawa wondered why he hadn't told him in advance, then pulled a face when he realised. He probably wanted the upper hand this time, to be the one surprising Oikawa instead of the other way around. 

Stupid Iwa-chan. He'd show him a surprise. 

The airport was busy, the boards showed a delay with the luggage for Iwa-chan's flight. Oikawa sighed, leaned against the wall by arrivals. What should they do first? What should he do first, when he saw Iwa-chan again? Bow? Polite handshake? The cheek kiss? Funny, suitably Italian, if more Southern, but probably unfair after a long flight, when he was too tired to expect it.

The doors opened. The familiar, comforting sound of Japanese in the air. Oikawa shifted, pushed off the wall and approached the doors. Families. Tourist parties, their guides politely leading them along. 

Alone, trailing behind them. Iwa-chan. The consideration disappeared. Iwa-chan, who travelled all this way to see him, looked dazed by the sudden brightness of the natural morning light. Tired. Here for him.

Oikawa's feet picked up speed. He didn't think, went straight in and pulled Iwa-chan tightly into his arms. The soft 'oof' of surprise, from how fast Oikawa hit him, before an arm wrapped back around him, hugged him back. He looked up. Iwa-chan looked back at him, leaned in and kissed him.

The sign he'd been waiting for. The questions, about the girlfriend, about what next, could wait. He pulled back, smiled at Iwa-chan.

"Ciao!" Even more dazed, but he tried it back. 

"Ah. Ciao?"

"You can't ask it as a question." Oikawa let go, stepped back a little. "Welcome." 

"Thank you for having me." Oikawa smiled.

"Maybe more than an hour's notice next time? Come on." He led Iwa-chan out of arrivals, dragging his suitcase. Oikawa led him out into the future they should have had in the first place, if he hadn't messed up. Their eyes met, a cautious smile on Iwa-chan's face. Not quite trust, not yet, but the start of something that could grow into it. 

This time, for sure.


End file.
